I think that my greatest weakness is being divergent. I am like my own box of pingpong balls and mousetraps. Since the day I was born the first was sprung and thousands upon thousands are constantly springing more. Every minute I fight with myself to reign in my brain to a manageable load. It's almost as if I am fighting the avalanche of a constant game of word association. I find twenty tabs open in my browser window at any given time. I sit down at a quiet coffee shop to have some quality contemplating the universe time and find the open window of thought to be more crushing than freeing. The sheer mass of potential rabbit trials entangles my aura to create this Picasso fractal
abstraction that while beautifully complex, and infinitely serendipitous completely unfeasible to be processed by my conscious and I'm willing to wager my unconscious as well! So I desire this
(which I understand is arguably just as complicated) I find myself swimming in this surreal ocean of fractals. Sometimes I just want an open road headed one direction... which I understand I would probably become instantly bored with and start desiring something else as soon as I had it but that doesn't mean I don't want it. What should I be wanting? I want contentment but not complacency. I want to desire the world yet seize the day in Grand Forks, ND. Yikes. I want to not want in order to please god and not be trapped in consumerism... yet I must have the fear of God and desire for Him... *sigh*
You are beautiful, and though its something that is uttered often, it doesn't make it any less resoundingly true.
ReplyDeleteAt least you are having a collision of contemplation and intersection. You are more aware of the disarray throughout the States than most other people. To have no musing is to be stagnant, in this dangerously lethargic nation.
I would be much happier to have you confoundedly confused and frustrated at me for a day than to have you be a comatose zombie wondering around aimlessly with your heart cut out. Cause I know you always come back to me, even more radiant, closer to the spittin' image of Jesus.
Plus if you do feel overwhelmed, say f-it for awhile. You have homework to do? Put it off for a day. The world wont stop... I don't think at least.
Oh, and I'll be coming up... around the... 15th to 18th
Until next time sister.
Heya...
ReplyDeleteI had a little chat today with a guy that I've been going to Chi Alpha with for a while...
We both expressed our extreme distaste for certain aspect of our current leadership, among other things.
I decided in my heart that you should move to Fargo and be our XA leader, because you are awesome and would be awesome and things would be grand.
On a slightly more serious note (I was being serious before, but more so now), a lot of people down here are extremely unhappy with a lot of things. This is pretty vague and all, sorry, but yeah....all this so say that we should have another chat sometime. The end.